sinking in

i have had this disease for more than a year now.. but everytime, a new issue comes up..

the news about the left is more traumatic than the first one.. aside from the effects of chemo, i never really felt sick..

but now, i feel i do.. i don't have pain.. dizziness and the feeling of pins and needles on my hands and feet i can tolerate.. but having to undergo more procedures is really making me realize what disease i have..

a friend gave me a book.. it gave me more knowledge about the disease.. but it didn't quite help me the way it's supposed to..

because for the first time in 13 months, i am scared.